Saturday, 23 July 2011

How to avoid being a complete douche

The first issue that must be dealt with here is that of idiotic and illiterate so called male rockers who think they’re better than everybody else just because they’re dudes. Serious, no joke. I’ve actually come across this thread once on such a social networking site where a whole bunch of these phony, ignorant jackasses showed off just how manly they are. The topic of discussion started by one of these was “Women can’t rock” or something worthless along those lines. Why do people have to make a complete fool of themselves over something they obviously don’t know jack shit about? Oh yeah, I forget that’s what all those female rjs and vjs do for a living; wearing a Nirvana t shirt and having an eye brow piercing qualifies you to discuss and actually give your opinion on rock music.  But wait first we must deal with the men. If only I could find that thread and quote some of the awesome gems that were posted by some of these’d be a downright riot! Seriously, it would make me laugh like a hyena right about now. If you’re a guy and if you’re a douche, you’re also probably ignorant to the significant impact women have had on rock music. So educate yourself first you jackass before you call yourself a maggot. 

From the top of my head, I can think of Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Grace Slick (of Jefferson Airplane), Melissa Ethridge, The Donnas, the girls of Heart, Janis Joplin, Sass Jordan, Alannah Myles, Morisette, Joan Baez (who can forget the awesome vibrato?), Tarja (of former Nightwish), Cindy Lauper – those are some women who affected rock music in a big way. Then there are others who weren’t as iconic (or maybe they were in Sao Paolo or something who knows) but bloody awesome just the same: Dolores (of The Cranberries), Christina Scabbai (of Lacuna Coil), Sharon Adel (of Within Temptation [Sharon’s very special to me]), Gwen Steffani (of No Doubt. I bloody hell hate the sell out she’s become now. I talk about her very early days with ‘Doubt when she was platinum blonde sporting Adidas track suits and a bindi. She probably still is a platinum blonde for all I know), Amy Lee (yeah sod off. The woman can sing her head off better than you), Courtney Love (of Hole. Yeah so she may have murdered Cobain but she affected a lot of idiotic, phony people who thought she could sing. Still, some of Hole’s stuff has some good lyrics and that’s no surprise since it was rumoured that Cobain wrote and helped her with the music), Sheryl name a few. Even A Perfect Circle had a female bassist and Gilby Clarke of GNR played bass with possibly the best band on the planet: Heart. There are numerous such examples which these douche bags are ignorant of. Anyway, who the fuck cares who influenced rock music more anyway?! It’s music and it’s awesome so shut the fuck up moron and just enjoy it or commit suicide or whatever. 

Anyway, in recent times, I’ve found myself to be obsessed with Paramore and The Pretty Reckless (who knew a dumb blonde on Gossip Girl could be this talented?) Both bands are incredible and both are totally underrated. Why don’t they get more airtime on TV rather than stupid shit like Ciarra, Akon, 50 cent? Wait, are these people still around? I wouldn’t know honestly and I don’t really give a shit. But you get my drift.  It is sad to see the state of affairs of music these days thanks to these yo chums. Still, there is still some hope in Duffy, Amy Winehouse (if only she didn’t give a wibe of a hooker and wasn’t a junkie always high on God knows what) and Adele. 

Still, next time you decide to claim you’re all high and mighty and that the soul of Kurt Cobain or Jimmy Hendrix speaks to you, go and research and educate yourself before you make a total and complete fool of yourself. Or better yet, take a peek from that curtain of long, greasy hair you’re sporting and download some of these bands and check em out. By the way, I’m no feminist and I’m not a member of any women’s liberation front crap. Chicks are trouble and they ruin everything. I bet there are a million awesome bands that disbanded due to one thing: girls. So little advice for underground bands out there: Chicks ruin everything.  So don’t get involved with chicks, just listen to girl bands. Those are two totally different things you moron so get it right before she has you listening to Avril Lavigne and calling that rock n roll. 

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